Tombstone Revisited: Living with An Alcoholic

Tombstone Revisited:

Living with An Alcoholic
by Carolee Ross

Illustration by Joseph A. Maturo
for Western Magazine, 1929

I was watching Tombstone
On TV last nite
It's a Western
and I usually don't like Westerns.
But this one had
sweet-lipped Val Kilmer
playing Doc Halliday
and tall, craggy Sam Elliot
as Virgil Earp.

There was a touring theatrical group
and loads of pretty-faced bad men
not to mention Kurt Russell
as Wyatt Earp.

And pretty Dana Delaney
As beautiful Josie Marcus,
The Jewish actress
Who captured Wyatt's heart.

And all the Earp brothers
Wore these long, sexy coats
And strange dark hats
As they killed the bad men.

Poor Doc had TB
And as he lay dying
In a sanitorium in Colorado
Having escaped all those
Bad men's bullets,
Wyatt paid him a visit.

The talk turned philosophical
Wyatt asked Doc
Why killers kill
And Doc gave him an answer
That chilled my heart.

He said, in gentlemanly tones,
That certain folks
Are born with huge holes inside them
And no amount of women
Or food or killing
Can fill up the holes.
They want revenge.

And Wyatt asks,
For what?
As nearby nurses
in Victorian outfits
Bustle around
And perform
Non-antiseptic chores.

And as Doc says the words,
I knew them already.
He says to Wyatt,
They kill
For being born
into this world.

One of those great moments of clarity
When I knew why
You kill with words
The hole in you is so great
That no amount of drinking
Or food or women or love
Can fill it up and heal it.

Alcoholics are so angry
At the world
That they feel
That anyone who loves them
Or stays with them
Can't be worth anything
Even if they've stopped drinking.

So they treat them badly

Because they think
So little of themselves.

Well, Tombstone had a lesson in it
And here it is, pardner,
I've swallowed your silences
Your insults
Your negativity

I've accepted your sloth and greed
I've made excuses for you
and now
My love isn't there.
It died with Doc Halliday's
sage moment of truth
I finally heard
The Truth.

A friend asks me,
What do you do
Now that love isn't there?
Is Living with Illusion
Better than living alone?
I'd better live alone
Before the hole in you
Devours me.



Rider on Horse
Illustration for Western Magazine
by
Joseph A. Maturo
1928